“Liberation” (or “Sayonara to Samsara”)

by Paul Burgess–The more I read this poem, the more I think I should cut out all but the final 6 or 4 lines. Any suggestions or feedback would be welcome:)

The poem:

A chain’s no good because no chain we make
Will ever be too strong for us to break.
The answer’s not to practice more restraint
Or cover holes with glossy coats of paint.

Suppressing only hides from us the foes
That would be safer for us to expose.
The vine will strangle, given chance to feed,
But you can stop its growth while it’s a seed.

If you would take a closer, deeper look,
You’d know that bait conceals a rusty hook.
The words of Siren songs that plagued your youth
Do not communicate objective truth.
Like shadows, on the walls, that seem to play,
Deprived of light, they’re forced to go away.

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5 thoughts on ““Liberation” (or “Sayonara to Samsara”)

  1. venuscallipyge

    Really well done. Found your post through the “addiction” tag – I’m a recovering addict who writes posts and poetry about my experiences and insights… look forward to reading more, added your blog to my “follow” list. Peace!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  2. mistermuse

    Paul, I tend to agree with you – not because the first two stanzas aren’t good in and of themselves, but (to me) they seem somewhat disconnected from the last stanza….almost superfluous, in a way.
    That’s just my own opinion, but I have had hundreds of poems published (including four in The Random House Treasury of Light Verse), so I feel at least semi-qualified to weigh in.

    Like

    Reply

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