In Response to the following prompt: http://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_assignment/writing-101-day-nine/
a 3-part poem in blank verse
He hated letting Alma see him cry
But knew the tears would flow against his will.
Remaining silent, Alma squeezed his hand—
A gesture barely noticed by the man.
The aging woman knitting on the bench,
Who had reminded him of Mother, turned
Revealing features not a bit like Mom’s.
Then, suddenly, it dawned on him.
…The sweater, small and red, his mother had begun
To knit for John—the child in Alma’s womb!
She always felt uneasy when he cried.
It seemed attempts to comfort often failed.
Making matters worse, she didn’t know
Why Joe was crying when he had been fine.
Unsure of what to do, she squeezed his hand.
“Perhaps he misses his mother,” Alma thought,
On seeing the old lady on the bench
With yarn and knitting needles in her lap.
“Old Lady Knitting on the Bench”
“I knew I shoulda stayed at home to knit
And watch my stories ‘stead of comin’ here…
I got some cryin’ sissy-baby-man
A lookin’ like I’m sweet old Granny Smith
Who used to bake him pie and knit him scarves.
A granny? Please! I learned me long ago
That kids would send me early to my grave.
No siree…knittin nothin’ ‘cept for Chip
Who’d never send me to no nursin’ home.
He never sasses me, jus’ wags his tail.
Now, Sissy, carry’in on like a brat—
If kin to me, I’d go upside his head
To cure him of his cryin’, starin’ ways.”
What a lovely response to the prompt. I liked the voice of the old lady; her humour and strength of character shone through. I also enjoyed the way you showed so vividly three different perspectives to the same event. It’s not always easy to do – to have distinct voices when switching between characters. The poem fits the challenge really well.
Thank you! This was the first time I tried this sort of piece. I’m glad you like the old lady; I think her part is the strongest. Did you try the challenge?
Yep, it’s on my blog… http://mbarkersimpson.wordpress.com/2014/06/12/not-your-run-of-the-mill-superhero/
Thanks for encouraging me to do it. It’s a long way from your standards, but it turned out better than I thought!
I liked it! A very original and effective take on the topic! Well done!
Thank you for your supportive feedback!
I think your poem is so clever, a great take on this assignment. Your old lady is very vivid – a sassy old woman indeed!
Thanks! I genuinely appreciate the supportive feedback, and it is always great to know what works for readers:)
Impressive! You’ve broken the barriers of standard gender characterizations: Joe is not the typical man hiding his emotions, Alma doesn’t depict the emotion-ridden woman who usually needs consoling by her man, Old Lady Knitting on the Bench, is not the weak-willed grandma who sugar coats the realities surrounding her! Joe resides in Venus, Alma in Mars and the Old Lady kicks ass on the hard ground called earth!
Thank you for your kind feedback! I am thrilled that you like the piece, and I love the final sentence of your comment:)
I love this! Short and sweet. I really like the old lady’s perspective the most, too 🙂
Thank you! I appreciate your kind feedback:)
wow – just amazing with positive energy! Let your day always smile and shine for you!!
Thank you! I genuinely appreciate your kind words:)
Please enjoy my new musical clip by title “Like A Breeze”
Here is a clip:
Like the breeze gently unmatched.
Like a flower bending in the breeze
Bend with me, sway with ease
When we dance you have a way with me
Feeling like a feather in the breeze
I like it! The orchestration and vocals are especially nice.
Thank you, I very much appreciate it – The song is very special to my heart!
You have a beautiful voice.
Thank you – where do you reside???
Lexington, Kentucky. And you?
The Beautiful San Diego – Coronado Island – You are invited! I will forward my contact information to you. Kindly let me know your email address?
That’s kind of you. email@example.com. Right now, the account is deactivated, but it will be up and working again in a few days.
Perfect – here is my email address – Could you please let me know your name?