A woman once pranced through the town
While she wore an invisible gown.
And she felt not ashamed
As she proudly proclaimed,
“The designer deserves his renown!”
“Antique Documents Dealer”
A man with a scam that was bold
Would pretend that his papers were old.
He would soak them in tea,
And— while quoting a fee—
He’d say, “Lincoln once owned what you hold.”
“Used Car Salesman”
There was once a person from Wales
Whose career was second-hand sales.
“This lovely old car
Was built for the Tsar,”
Was far from his tallest of tales.
A man asked me to lend him an ear.
I said, “Yes,” and then bought him a beer.
But he’d give it not back,
So an ear I now lack,
And I find it much harder to hear.
A doctor these words to me said:
“It’s a miracle that you’re not dead!
For the smallest of fees,
You’ll be free of disease
And my children on caviar fed.”
five limericks by Paul Burgess. “Used Car Salesman,” “Quack,” and “Unreturned” appear in other posts from my “5 Limericks a Day” series: https://paulwhitberg.wordpress.com/2014/05/18/5-limericks-a-day-to-keep-the-dr-away-by-paul-oburgess-day-4/ https://paulwhitberg.wordpress.com/2014/05/16/5-limericks-a-day-to-keep-the-dr-awayday-2/ https://paulwhitberg.wordpress.com/2014/05/21/5-limericks-a-day-to-keep-the-dr-away-by-paul-oburgess-day-7/
two bonus limericks by Paul Burgess [from the post “Bad Shrink”:https://paulwhitberg.wordpress.com/2014/06/06/bad-shrink/ ]
Some shrinks with credentials unreal
Do little to help one to heal.
If your itchy old sty
Says people must die,
They’ll ask, “How’s that making you feel?”
A shrink with a bogus degree
Provides what I’d give you for free.
When patients are ill
And threaten to kill,
His reply is always “I see.”