or “Thank our Lucky Stars”; from Part II of The New House of Fame by Paul “Whitberg” Burgess
By serving nations and society,
You’ll justify your fame (if not your birth).
You’ll teach the youth of safe sobriety
By driving drunk on alcoholic mirth–
Then paying fines with promised piety
and volunteering hours of boundless worth.
In ads, you’ll tell the children, “Stay in school!”
While proving that it pays to be a fool.
A generous man once did live
Who gave all that people can give.
He gave up his heart
And many a part
That he’d need to continue to live.
“For Emma [my Westie]
I know a small dog whose delight
Is barking at all that’s in sight.
At the end of the day,
Her barks seem to say,
“No one will be sleeping tonight.”
“On a Bond Movie…so get your heads out of the gutter;)”
A man had a gun of pure gold
That ladies enjoyed much to hold.
They’d holler and hoot
Whenever he’d shoot
That gun that was made of pure gold.
“Jill Tries to Go up the Hill” [for the wee little lads and lasses]
There was once an old woman so ill
She attempted to ski up a hill
And continued to try—
I’ve no clue as to why—
But I suppose that’s the reason they say that she’s ill!
“Holy Clown, Batman!”
There was once a man in this town
Who always himself dressed as a clown.
His appearance was odd,
But some thought him a god
And bowed when they saw him in town.
In the 1600s, missionaries sent to the New World would often promise to “help” a person only if she or he would concede that the missionaries’ beliefs were “all true”–or, as the phrase was sometimes written in the 1600s, ‘al true’. Like Puritans and Quakers, Altruists initially resisted but eventually embraced the term applied to them by cynical critics.