Tag Archives: Catholicism

“Undiluted Nonsense”

“G.O.A.T.”
The people from a nation of note
Elected to office a goat.
“He’s not nearly as bad
As the humans we’ve had,”
Said those who for that creature did vote.

“Holy Abstinence”
A devout man decided for Lent
That he would not be paying his rent.
While the priest did approve,
The landlord said, “Move!”
And away that good man was then sent.

“Nuns Gone Wild”
Said a monk to a sisterly nun,
“I suggest some immoderate fun.”
So they counted their beads
And then planted some seeds
While enjoying the light of the sun.

“Mother Fu…Lover”
A person was trav’ling in time
When he drank some tequila with lime.
Then he slept with his Ma
And became his own Pa
Which is odd but not considered a crime.

“Buzz”
When a man was inhaling a breeze,
In his nostrils entered some bees.
Though the bees didn’t sting,
And he felt not a thing,
He now buzzes with every sneeze.

5 limericks by Paul Burgess; “Buzz,” “Mother Fu…Lover,” and “Nuns Gone Wild Are New.” I previously posted “G.O.A.T” and “Holy Abstinence” on days 1 and 2 of my “5 Limericks a Day” series: https://paulwhitberg.wordpress.com/2014/05/16/5-limericks-a-day-to-keep-the-dr-awayday-2/

https://paulwhitberg.wordpress.com/2014/05/15/5-limericks-a-day-to-keep-the-dr-away-day-1-2/

5 Limericks a Day (To Keep the Dr. Away)–By Paul O’Burgess [Day 8]

“An Aspiring Cardinal”
A man whose behavior’s absurd
Insists he’s becoming a bird.
“In Rome, by the sea,
A card’nal I’ll be”
Says that man whose behavior’s absurd.

“Mr. ________, Teacher of Middle School English”
There was once a man whose career
Induced him to drink lots of beer.
Whenever he’d teach,
There were bottles in reach
To help him endure his career.

“Tithonus of Dell”
There was an old miser from Dell
Whose age no person could tell.
He was freakishly old
And all covered with mold
And was better to see than to smell.

“A Boring, Moral, and Clean Limerick”

There was once a man who enjoyed
To do what most others avoid.
To repay what he’d owe
And be kind to a foe
Were some things that this person enjoyed.

“A Less Boring, Moral, and Clean Limerick–About a Beaver [Castor]

I saw once a beaver so big
It could swallow the whole of a pig.
It knew lots of tricks
With berries and sticks.
What a sight was that beaver so big!

Wholesome Verse for the Little Children [“Little Willie” and “Brats,” Installment 2] By Paul Burgess

3 Little Willies and a Brat

1. So empty was wee Willie’s head,
He’d do whatever others said.
Mom screamed, “In traffic go and play,”
And Willie did it right away.

2. In a tire decided Will
To go rolling down a hill.
The story’s ending can’t be told
‘cuz no one knows to where he’s rolled.

3. “Confess now Willie how you’ve sinned,”
The priest implored, but Willie grinned
And with these words then refused,
Tell me, how many boys you’ve abused.”

4. From Father’s flask beneath the sink,
Rebellious Ralphie snuck a drink
Of what he’d thought was gin or wine
But found to be some turpentine.

5 Limericks a Day (to Keep the Dr. Away) [Day 3]–By Paul O’Burgess

“Sex Ed.?”
There was a young person from Cork
Who wanted a child from the stork.
In the eyes of that bird,
It seemed quite absurd
To be wooed by that person from Cork.

“A Kindly Priest”
There was once a priest who would pray
the following words ev’ry day:
“Be you all at peace
In Rome and in Greece
With exception of anyone gay.”

“A Representative’s Plight”
A Rep, who’d become quite annoyed,
Asserted: “This bill should be void!
If more taxes I paid,
I’d have one less maid,
And a person would be unemployed.”

“Marie Antoinette”
Marie, when preparing to die,
Was heard to declare with a sigh,
“I’d lose not my head,
If only I’d said,
To the mob, ‘Oh, let them eat pie.’”

“A Well-Stocked Kitchen in the Middle East” [Today’s ‘dirty limerick;’ it is only dirty if, unlike its angelic author, you are perverted and hell-bound;)]

There was once a gal from Iraq
Who had her so lovely a rack.
Its space did suffice
To hold ev’ry spice
Required for cuisine in Iraq.