Crazy:
There’s a man who resides in a flat
Who’s convinced he’s becoming a rat.
On his hands and his knees,
He will search for some cheese
‘til he’s met by the gaze of a cat.
…and Disgusting:
There’s a chef from the city of Cork
Who was renowned for his dishes of pork
…‘til the day it was found
He’d been serving up hound
For his diners to eat with a fork.
While watering the plants today, I heard
The ring of metal tags then saw a cat
And wondered whether he’d pursued a bird
Too far and gotten lost. He was as fat
And clean, from furry head to furry paw,
As any loving person’s treasured pet.
A little like one running from the law—
Eluding officers’ circling, dragging net—
He’d often hide in bushes and in trees.
His eyes appeared to say, “It’s not a game.
I’m scared and want again my life of ease.”
He fled before the tags revealed his name.
I hope his face won’t soon appear in signs
That children post on wooden power lines.
A sonnet by Paul Burgess
“Serious Content ‘Masked’ by Inane Form”
I visited an eerie old place
Where men all had masks on their face.
They appeared to smile,
But the masks did beguile
By concealing their owners’ disgrace.
“Of Men and Chicken” [An Innocent Limerick about a ‘Cocky’ Man;)]
A man who resides by the docks
Has become so enamored of cocks
That he’s tossed into fens
All his chicks and his hens
To ensure he’ll be alone with the cocks.
“Headhunter-new genre:Horror Limerick!”
I met once a man from the Alps
Who kept a collection of scalps.
Afraid as I fled,
I shielded my head
And escaped from that man of the Alps.
“A Large and Furry Cat”
The was once a girl with a cat
That was so incredibly fat
That, when it would purr,
Its jiggling fur
Would take up the whole of her flat
“Karl Marx Writes a Limerick”
There’s a man whose estate so immense
Is protected by guards and a fence,
Which ensure that the poor
Will not come to his door
To request that he spare a few cents.
There’s never been a boy as slow
As Eeny Meeny Miny Mo.
He caught a tiger by its toe.
His wake’s at five. I hope you’ll go.
I have decided that today’s limericks will be for people with children. Every once in a while, I will unify the five daily limericks with a theme. Some days the limericks will be best for the bar or bedroom, and other days they will be best for the nursery. Today’s are fine for the nursery;)
“The Cat as a Hat”
There was once a man with a cat
That he’d put on his head like a hat.
The kitten did hate
Being worn on his pate
And thought it was time for a chat.
“Of Birds and Boys”
A boy, who would cease not to squirm,
Resembled so closely a worm
That a robin one day
Mistook for its prey
That boy who would cease not to squirm.
“Of Birds and Men”
There was an old man I once knew
Who flapped both his arms ‘til he flew.
The last that I heard,
He had married a bird
And purchased a nest built for two.
“Swamp King”
A king who was weary of pomp
Decided to move to a swamp.
There lived he as boss
Of mosquitoes and moss
While enjoying the absence of pomp.
“Who’s Yo’ Daddy?”
There was once a boy from Baghdad
Who thought that a hare was his dad.
He’d say, “Hey there, Pop!”
But away it would hop,
And the boy would remain there so sad.
Miscellaneous Inanities 