“More Community Service”

from Part II of The New House of Fame–by Paul “Whitberg” Burgess https://paulwhitberg.wordpress.com/2014/06/24/an-introductory-guide-to-becoming-rich-and-famous-2/

Within your glowing aura, peasants bask

Because you’re loved well by the goddess Cash

And bathed in fluids from Her sacred flask.

You’ll help communities by clearing trash

…For photo ops, before you delegate the task—

And go inside (since heat might cause a rash).]

You’ll grab some garbage, hug a fan, and smile

…for pics, then fuss and stomp away in style.

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“Public Service”

or “Thank our Lucky Stars”; from Part II of The New House of Fame by Paul “Whitberg” Burgess

By serving nations and society,
You’ll justify your fame (if not your birth).
You’ll teach the youth of safe sobriety
By driving drunk on alcoholic mirth–
Then paying fines with promised piety
and volunteering hours of boundless worth.
In ads, you’ll tell the children, “Stay in school!”
While proving that it pays to be a fool.

 

“A Warning Label for Organ Donors” by Paul Burgess

“A Warning Label for Organ Donors”*
*A limerick in honor of classic labels that respond to and anticipate people’s fatal acts of stupidity

“You’ll be feeling so empty inside
If you donate before you have died.
‘Til the day you depart,
Keep your lungs and your heart.
By this warning it’s best to abide.”