“A Helpful Doctor”
A doctor these words to me said:
“It’s a miracle that you’re not dead!
For the smallest of fees,
You’ll be free of disease
And my children on caviar fed.”
“A Feast with a Priest”
There was once a pious old priest
Who gave me some bread with no yeast.
But finding it flat,
The bread I then spat
And was met by the scowls of the priest.
“The Value of Hand-Eye Coordination”
There was once a toddler so dumb
That he put out his eye with his thumb.
He’d desired a suck,
But so bad was his luck
That he put out his eye with his thumb.
“Bills and Kills”
There was once a man from the hills
who neglected to pay all his bills.
When repo men came,
That man with no shame
Prepared for them drinks mixed with pills.
“Extraterrestrial Pests”
There was an old man from the moon
Who thought that he was a raccoon.
I awoke to a crash,
Found him eating my trash,
And proceeded to beat that buffoon.
Miscellaneous Inanities 