BEER

“Beer: a Ballad in Two Parts” [“Part II” will likely grow]

Part I: Dramatic Classical Intro

The Greeks believed in Hippocrene,—
An art-inspiring spring—
And Bacchus with his wine was thought
To make the poets sing.

If Homer were alive today,
He surely would agree
That beer’s a liquid that can set
Artistic powers free.

We need a song to grace a bar
Or local billiard hall.
I’m tired of hearing ‘bout
The “bottles…on the wall”–

So, darling, let us join in song
Like Greeks once did for wine.
Now lift your voice and help a bard
To prove that beer’s divine.

Part II: The Folk Ballad
A beer can make a person wise
And make a person witty.
It’s not allowed at school and work,
And that’s a bloody pity.

Though not allowed at school or work,
A beer enhances play.
My doctor recommends I drink
A pint or two a day:

“A pint to welcome morning’s sun,
Another one at noon—
Then, wash your dinner down with beer
To welcome Mother Moon.”

Those were the orders doctor gave.
I swear it on my life.
You’ll listen to the doc, I’m sure,
If you’re a loving wife.

It’s best you didn’t call the doc,
For he’s a busy man.
The only question left for now
Is “Bottle, draught, or can?”

The hours dissolve like foam, my dear,
Like bubbles in a cup.
Relax and have a beer with me
To bring your spirits up.

Recline a moment on the couch.
I’ll pour you out a glass.
I’ll pick a brew that’s fit for you,
That’s sweet but got some sass.

A life is filled with bitter things
But also with delight,
So let us shun the bitter beers
And drink a Belgian White.

Advertisement

“FORTUNE COOKIES”

An Italian Sonnet about Chinese* Restaurants (Written in English by an American) [*Chinese restaurants in America…Chinese immigrants often choke on the fortune the first time they eat a fortune cookie.]

What did the slips inside my cookies say?
“The dish of life contains a lot more spice
For people eating dumplings, pork, and rice
At San Francisco’s China House Buffet.”

“Ours is the only place to spend your pay.
At Chang’s the chicken’s mixed with chunks of mice,
And waiters’ heads are breeding grounds for lice
[Which like to mingle with the beef fillet.]”

“You’ll live to see another creature’s year
If eating only China House’s food.”
“A person who believes that life is dear
Won’t let these words be lost or misconstrued:
Those eating Chinese food that’s not from here
Are nailed inside their coffins and/or screwed.”

 

“Decadent” and “Downfall”

“Verbal Ticks” Prompt: http://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_prompt/verbal-ticks/

“Decadent”
While I grant that common usage can change words’ meanings, I object to using a word that means “in a state of decay” to signify richness of flavor. It seems that people at some point associated rich food with the extravagant, wasteful spending that ruined some empires. Perhaps people read about the decadence of the Roman Empire, for example, and associated “luxurious food” with the luxuries owned by the wealthy.

Examples of misuse: 1.This chocolate is rich and decadent.
2. Oh, how I enjoy decadent sweets!

“Downfall”
Many people seem to think that “downfall”—a term best reserved for the literal or figurative destruction of powerful nations and people—has replaced all the words meaning “trivial flaw,” “slight misfortune,” and “minor weakness”.
Examples of misuse:1.He is a nice person, but he is sometimes late . Tardiness is his only downfall.
2. Although he is lactose intolerant, he could not resist drinking milk. One day he drank some and had an upset stomach. His love of dairy products was his downfall.

[Ambition led to the downfall of Julius Caesar. To be assassinated at the peak of one’s powers is to experience a downfall. The milk-drinking protagonist of “Example 2”, on the other hand, will most likely enjoy a long, healthy life after recovering from his minor bout of gastrointestinal discomfort]

 

“Of Mice and a Man”

On  a lighter, less didactic note…

A man with a terrible vice

is addicted to dining on mice.

He begins with the kill,

then he lights up the grill

and enjoys them on top of some rice.

a limerick by Paul Burgess

[Please forgive me if you happen to be part of a culture in which dining on mice is considered normal. Try to understand that I am not singling out your culture. If munching on mice is not a vice in your culture, please, my friend, munch on. ]

P.S. I doubt that munching on mice is a vice in most cultures. The “bad” part would be claiming to serve one meat–such as beef or pork–while actually serving mice.

5 Limericks a Day [to Keep the Dr. Away] By Paul O’Burgess (Day 14)

Even my harsh inner critic agrees that today’s first limerick, “Heartbreaker,” is worthy of the Nonsense Hall of Fame;) I think that this is the strongest group of limericks I’ve posted since the first few days of this series. Please let me know what you think.

“Heartbreaker”
A man who had broken some hearts
Decided to sell them at marts.
“Though unable to beat,
There’s no tastier meat,”
He’d say when promoting those parts.

“Stew from Peru”
There was once a chef from Peru
Who was widely renowned for his stew—
Which he bought from a store
Then proceeded to pour
And simmer inside of a shoe.

“A Couple Climbed a Cliff, then…”
At the edge, he said, “Jump now and die!”
But the girl still refused to comply.
To make her obey,
He yodeled all day,
And she was thus persuaded to fly.

“Your Ugly Friends”
“What’s the reason I did not invite
Your friends to our dinner tonight?
To not have to pretend
That it does not offend
Me to suffer so sorry a sight.”

“A Paranormal An Abnormal Medium”
There was once a lady in red
Who believed she could talk to the dead.
She served as the host
To many a ghost
That existed in only her head.

“Praying Mantis Mating” by Paul Burgess

“Praying Mantis Mating”*
A praying mantis says, “The sex was great!”
The womantis nods before she grabs her plate.

*The female praying mantis often eats her mate after they have finished engaging in reproductive acts.

“Old King Cole”–a 4th Clerihew-inspired Quatrain by Paul Burgess

“Old King Cole”

King Cole, monarch of merry soul,
Consumed a duck and chicken whole.
When Cole had him a heart attack,
He found his doctor was a quack.

5 Limericks a Day (to Keep the Dr. Away) [Day 3]–By Paul O’Burgess

“Sex Ed.?”
There was a young person from Cork
Who wanted a child from the stork.
In the eyes of that bird,
It seemed quite absurd
To be wooed by that person from Cork.

“A Kindly Priest”
There was once a priest who would pray
the following words ev’ry day:
“Be you all at peace
In Rome and in Greece
With exception of anyone gay.”

“A Representative’s Plight”
A Rep, who’d become quite annoyed,
Asserted: “This bill should be void!
If more taxes I paid,
I’d have one less maid,
And a person would be unemployed.”

“Marie Antoinette”
Marie, when preparing to die,
Was heard to declare with a sigh,
“I’d lose not my head,
If only I’d said,
To the mob, ‘Oh, let them eat pie.’”

“A Well-Stocked Kitchen in the Middle East” [Today’s ‘dirty limerick;’ it is only dirty if, unlike its angelic author, you are perverted and hell-bound;)]

There was once a gal from Iraq
Who had her so lovely a rack.
Its space did suffice
To hold ev’ry spice
Required for cuisine in Iraq.