An “Honest/Tasteless” *Paulmark* sonnet from the Tasteless Greeting Cards Sonnet Sequence
You’re always asking, “Have I put on weight?”.
I’d set myself at liberty with truth
By pointing out the weight you’ve gained since youth,
But truth’s an arrow deadliest when straight.
I’ve never seen a meal on any plate
In which you’d hesitate to sink a tooth,
But saying so would be a bit uncouth
And ill befits a peace-desiring mate.
To best avoid a long and bitter fight,
I’ll keep on grinning that beguiling grin
And saying, when your clothes become too tight,
“My dear, how do you stay so very thin?”
…Or compliments [just as overused and trite]
About you being slender as a pin.
“A Cruel Rejection”
I met a young girl at a dance
Who asked, “Can I get in your pants?”
But I knew they’d not fit
And she’d cause them to split,
So I said, “Oh, my dear, not a chance!”
“Unconventional Swimming Facilities”
I met once a kooky old fool
Who believed his toilet a pool.
If you ever meet him,
And he asks you to swim,
I’d advise you escape that old fool.
“Miguel the Masochist”
A man who’s residing in Spain,
Is becoming addicted to pain.
He has chains and some whips,
And he likes for his hips
To be thoroughly thrashed with a cane.
“An Innocent Limerick about Birdwatching [I had no part in naming birds!]”
In the place where he presently sits,
A boy sees him plenty of tits.
Near his seat on those rocks,
Are both boobies and cocks
And more birds that approach where he sits.
“A Prolific Man”
There once was an old man from Peru
Who had many more kids than he knew.
Some say he had four
But ‘twas likely a score…
…that prolific old man from Peru!