Crazy:
There’s a man who resides in a flat
Who’s convinced he’s becoming a rat.
On his hands and his knees,
He will search for some cheese
‘til he’s met by the gaze of a cat.
…and Disgusting:
There’s a chef from the city of Cork
Who was renowned for his dishes of pork
…‘til the day it was found
He’d been serving up hound
For his diners to eat with a fork.
I know a small dog whose delight
Is barking at all that’s in sight.
At the end of the day,
Her barks seem to say,
“No one will be sleeping tonight.”
a limerick by Paul Burgess
P.S. This limerick is based on real events…
When deeply concerned for my pet,
I decided to go to the vet.
He examined her head,
Said “She’s clearly not dead,”
Then collected the fee he had set.
A limerick by Paul Burgess
Although no one reads them, I must continue to post limericks until the 200+ that I have written are all on my blog:D Coming soon: a series on writing poetic forms. The series will begin with a guide to writing limericks:) [To adapt a phrase from the great blues artist John Lee Hooker, “Let that boy write his limericks, ‘cuz he’s got it in him, and he’s gotta get it out.”]
“Lonely, Single, and Sad”
There was once a graying old guy
Who decided to give love a try.
So, he posted an ad
That said “Lonely and sad,”
But no ladies would ever reply.
“Slick Dick”
I read once to gain more insight
About Nixon’s account of that night.
The words in that book
Say the man’s not a crook,
And clearly a book’s always right.
“Swiss Kiss”
There’s a girl from the land of the Swiss
Who attempted to give me a kiss.
But the size of her lips,
Is as vast a ship’s,
So, I politely declined the girl’s kiss.
“Who Pays for Praise?”
Those who’ve read the limericks I write
Have experienced deepest delight.
That’s what they all say,
Perhaps ‘cause I pay
Those people to praise what I write.
“A True Story”
I’ve started to write me a blog
To be cherished by human and dog.
The people will clap,
And the canines will yap
With glee when perusing my blog.
“Fatal Generosity”
A generous man once did live
Who gave all that people can give.
He gave up his heart
And many a part
That he’d need to continue to live.
“For Emma [my Westie]
I know a small dog whose delight
Is barking at all that’s in sight.
At the end of the day,
Her barks seem to say,
“No one will be sleeping tonight.”
“On a Bond Movie…so get your heads out of the gutter;)”
A man had a gun of pure gold
That ladies enjoyed much to hold.
They’d holler and hoot
Whenever he’d shoot
That gun that was made of pure gold.
“Jill Tries to Go up the Hill” [for the wee little lads and lasses]
There was once an old woman so ill
She attempted to ski up a hill
And continued to try—
I’ve no clue as to why—
But I suppose that’s the reason they say that she’s ill!
“Holy Clown, Batman!”
There was once a man in this town
Who always himself dressed as a clown.
His appearance was odd,
But some thought him a god
And bowed when they saw him in town.
Miscellaneous Inanities 