BEER: A BALLAD

[The ballad without its “Classical Intro”]

A beer can make a person wise
And make a person witty.
It’s not allowed at school and work,
And that’s a bloody pity.

Though not allowed at school or work,
A beer enhances play.
My doctor recommends I drink
A pint or two a day:

“A pint to welcome morning’s sun,
Another one at noon—
Then, wash your dinner down with beer
To welcome Mother Moon.”

Those were the orders doctor gave.
I swear it on my life.
You’ll listen to the doc, I’m sure,
If you’re a loving wife.

It’s best you didn’t call the doc,
For he’s a busy man.
The only question left for now
Is “Bottle, draught, or can?”

The hours dissolve like foam, my dear,
Like bubbles in a cup.
Relax and have a beer with me
To bring your spirits up.

Recline a moment on the couch.
I’ll pour you out a glass.
I’ll pick a brew that’s fit for you,
That’s sweet but got some sass.

A life is filled with bitter things
But also with delight,
So let us shun the bitter beers
And drink a Belgian White.

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“Dr. Bug and the Skunk Man Read Steinbeck While Stopping at a Mole Hole on the Way to Church”

“[They call me] Dr. Bug”
A chemist invented some drugs
For transforming his foes into bugs.
Some exist now as bees,
While others, as fleas,
Are residing on dogs and in rugs.

“Skunk Man”
Once, after becoming quite drunk,
A man returned home with a skunk.
His wife said it could stay
But she sent him away
Because of the way that he stunk.

“Moose Man” or “Of Moose and Men”
There’s a man who resides in a spruce
Who surely has a screw or two loose.
He smashes his toes,
Puts pins in his nose,
And often pretends he’s a moose.

“The Mole Hole”
A young lady has got her a mole
that spends all its life near a hole.
I’ve seen it before,
Around her backdoor,
When I helped with installing a pole.

“A Sheepish Boy, or a Pastor and his Flock”
An old shepherd attempted to keep
A boy who resembled a sheep.
The boy was so sad
‘til seeing his dad
Who’d come to correct that old creep.

5 limericks by Paul Burgess [an animal-themed edition of “5 Limericks a Day”]

“Sestina” by Paul Burgess

I wrote this, my first sestina, in 2006 just to see if I could do it. The sestina is an exceptionally difficult form, and mine is pretty lame. [The same six words must end the lines of each stanza, and the lines in which the words appear must follow a specific sequence].

Sestina:
As the house band loudly plays,
They finish a frantic dance.
He buys her a fresh, hard drink
And looks confused ‘til she waves,
And then toward her he moves.
His shoes squeak in time with his steps.

He thinks about how lightly she steps,
The way she sweetly teases and plays,
And then how seductively she moves;
He loves how she smiles when they dance,
Same as when she splashes in the waves,
And he watches, holding a drink.

With a kiss she thanks him for the drink.
On the wah, the guitarist steps.
The couples hit the dance floor in waves
And hum along with the riffs he plays;
The building itself seems to dance.
A drunken pair shows off its best moves.

He hopes she’ll go with him when he moves.
He wants to ask, but just sips his drink.
Sadly, he thinks, this could be their last dance.
As back and forth, side to side, he steps,
A mental film of them married plays
And then one in which she cries and waves.

Her wild hair, flowing as untamed waves,
Swishes and sways as her head moves,
And upon it, the light softly plays.
She feels she’s had too much to drink;
Slightly unsteady are her steps,
But she still enjoys the dance.

Worn out, they cease to dance.
In the wind, a flag waves,
While outside, they sit on the steps.
For seconds, neither of them moves.
Gnats land on them and start to drink.
Inside the band still plays.

With her hair she plays
While his eyes restlessly dance.
It seems as if all he’s had to drink
Escapes his pores in sweaty waves,
As he proposes to her on the steps…

5 Limericks a Day (To Keep the Dr. Away)–By Paul O’Burgess [Day 8]

“An Aspiring Cardinal”
A man whose behavior’s absurd
Insists he’s becoming a bird.
“In Rome, by the sea,
A card’nal I’ll be”
Says that man whose behavior’s absurd.

“Mr. ________, Teacher of Middle School English”
There was once a man whose career
Induced him to drink lots of beer.
Whenever he’d teach,
There were bottles in reach
To help him endure his career.

“Tithonus of Dell”
There was an old miser from Dell
Whose age no person could tell.
He was freakishly old
And all covered with mold
And was better to see than to smell.

“A Boring, Moral, and Clean Limerick”

There was once a man who enjoyed
To do what most others avoid.
To repay what he’d owe
And be kind to a foe
Were some things that this person enjoyed.

“A Less Boring, Moral, and Clean Limerick–About a Beaver [Castor]“

I saw once a beaver so big
It could swallow the whole of a pig.
It knew lots of tricks
With berries and sticks.
What a sight was that beaver so big!