Edgar Allan Poe, Marie Antoinette, Mary Queen of Scots, and Ernest Hemingway–4 Clerihews by Paul Burgess

“Edgar Allan Poe”
Edgar “Raven” Allan Poe
To cemeteries liked to go
And mourn the cousins lying dead
Who nevermore would share his bed. *

*While many of my clerihews are absurd, this one comes somewhat close to the truth.

“Marie Antoinette”
The queen, Marie Antoinette,
In Vegas made a foolish bet.
She wagered both her neck and head
On men forgetting what she’d said.

“Mary Queen of Scots”
Mary, lovely Queen of Scots,
Refused to sleep on hay or cots.
She cried, “This cot’s no feather bed!”
Queen Bess* replied, “Off with her head!”

*Elizabeth I’s nickname.

“Ernest Hemingway”
Insecure old* Ernest Hemingway
Was afraid that people’d think him gay*,
So he vowed he’d never leave Japan
‘til he’d fought Godzilla like a man.*

*In the first foot of each line, I have used anapests instead of iambs.
*Hemingway was the sort of “manly man” who would exaggerate his masculinity to alleviate his sexual confusion.

*I apologize for the sexist assumption that only men would fight Godzilla.

Advertisement

5 Limericks a Day (To Keep the Dr. Away)–By Paul O’Burgess [Day 7]

At Home in Nature

There was once a person so broke
That he had to reside in an oak.
He wanted some girls
But settled for squirrels
Who’d not mind a man being so broke.

French Style

There was once an old woman from France
Who delighted in wearing no pants.
I have never yet guessed
Why she covered the rest…
…that eccentric old woman from France.

A Pious Young Boy

I knew once a boy so bizarre
That his body he’d feather and tar.
Himself he did scorn
For having been born
Once discovered he what sinners we are.

A Loan Never Repaid

A man asked me to lend him an ear.
I said, “Yes,” and then bought him a beer.
But he’d give it not back,
So an ear I now lack,
And I find it much harder to hear.

An Inspiring Political Speech

A man to be gov’ner aspired
Who delivered these words that inspired:
“If for me you don’t vote,
I’ll cut your mom’s throat.”
So, I gave him the vote he desired.

5 Limericks a Day (to Keep the Dr. Away) [Day 3]–By Paul O’Burgess

“Sex Ed.?”
There was a young person from Cork
Who wanted a child from the stork.
In the eyes of that bird,
It seemed quite absurd
To be wooed by that person from Cork.

“A Kindly Priest”
There was once a priest who would pray
the following words ev’ry day:
“Be you all at peace
In Rome and in Greece
With exception of anyone gay.”

“A Representative’s Plight”
A Rep, who’d become quite annoyed,
Asserted: “This bill should be void!
If more taxes I paid,
I’d have one less maid,
And a person would be unemployed.”

“Marie Antoinette”
Marie, when preparing to die,
Was heard to declare with a sigh,
“I’d lose not my head,
If only I’d said,
To the mob, ‘Oh, let them eat pie.’”

“A Well-Stocked Kitchen in the Middle East” [Today’s ‘dirty limerick;’ it is only dirty if, unlike its angelic author, you are perverted and hell-bound;)]

There was once a gal from Iraq
Who had her so lovely a rack.
Its space did suffice
To hold ev’ry spice
Required for cuisine in Iraq.