Tag Archives: gerontology

5 Limericks a Day (to Keep the Dr. Away)–by Paul O’Burgess (Day 9)

“Possession”

There was once a lad from Hawaii
Who believed in a man in the sky.
“He’s likely possessed
By Satan,” they guessed,
And afraid they became of that guy.

“Groundbreaking Anthropology”

The men from a faraway land
By custom will shake no one’s hand.
When people they greet,
They offer their feet
To be shaken instead of a hand.

“A Peruvian Visits the Cobbler’s Shop”

There was an old man from Peru
Who so deeply desired a screw.
So, he went to the store
And purchased the score
That he’d needed to mend his worn shoe.

“Pity the Aging Pimp”

I know well a graying old pimp
Who’s beginning to walk with a limp.
He’s becoming too lame
To keep at the game.
How I pity that graying old pimp!

“An Odd Drought”

There was once an old person from Spain
Who insisted on drinking the rain.
He deprived all the crops
By imbibing the drops
That inane old person from Spain.

5 Limericks a Day (To Keep the Dr. Away)–By Paul O’Burgess [Day 8]

“An Aspiring Cardinal”
A man whose behavior’s absurd
Insists he’s becoming a bird.
“In Rome, by the sea,
A card’nal I’ll be”
Says that man whose behavior’s absurd.

“Mr. ________, Teacher of Middle School English”
There was once a man whose career
Induced him to drink lots of beer.
Whenever he’d teach,
There were bottles in reach
To help him endure his career.

“Tithonus of Dell”
There was an old miser from Dell
Whose age no person could tell.
He was freakishly old
And all covered with mold
And was better to see than to smell.

“A Boring, Moral, and Clean Limerick”

There was once a man who enjoyed
To do what most others avoid.
To repay what he’d owe
And be kind to a foe
Were some things that this person enjoyed.

“A Less Boring, Moral, and Clean Limerick–About a Beaver [Castor]

I saw once a beaver so big
It could swallow the whole of a pig.
It knew lots of tricks
With berries and sticks.
What a sight was that beaver so big!

5 Limericks a Day (To Keep the Dr. Away)–By Paul O’Burgess [Day 4]

“A Helpful Doctor”

A doctor these words to me said:
“It’s a miracle that you’re not dead!
For the smallest of fees,
You’ll be free of disease
And my children on caviar fed.”

“A Feast with a Priest”

There was once a pious old priest
Who gave me some bread with no yeast.
But finding it flat,
The bread I then spat
And was met by the scowls of the priest.

“The Value of Hand-Eye Coordination”

There was once a toddler so dumb
That he put out his eye with his thumb.
He’d desired a suck,
But so bad was his luck
That he put out his eye with his thumb.

“Bills and Kills”

There was once a man from the hills
who neglected to pay all his bills.
When repo men came,
That man with no shame
Prepared for them drinks mixed with pills.

“Extraterrestrial Pests”

There was an old man from the moon
Who thought that he was a raccoon.
I awoke to a crash,
Found him eating my trash,
And proceeded to beat that buffoon.