“Get Well Soon (for a coworker)”

A Tasteless Greeting Card

“Recover soon,” is what’s polite to say,
But—while I hope you’re feeling fine—
I like it best by far when you’re away
[Where I don’t have to hear you mope and whine].
Although you do a slack and lousy job,
You think you’re one of Foxe’s martyred saints,
And—while you’re idler than a cab’net’s knob,
You criticize the rest and file complaints.
I want your bout of feeling ill to end,
[…Of course, I’d rather that you didn’t die]
But saying more would cause the truth to bend
Until it stretched into a twisted lie.
I’m confident that you’ll not get the axe
For taking time to heal up and relax.

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“A Devious Dealer”
A dealer’s devised a device
For transforming his foes into lice
That he puts in the hair
Of the buyers who dare
To insist that he lower his price.

“Jack and Jill”
A doctor invented a pill
That can turn any Jack to a Jill
But turns not a Pam
Into Harry or Sam
For reasons unclear to me still.

“[They Call Me] Dr. Bug”
A chemist invented some drugs
For transforming his foes into bugs.
Some exist now as bees,
While others, as fleas,
Are residing on dogs and in rugs.

3 limericks by Paul Burgess

“Jack and Jill” appeared in my earlier post: https://paulwhitberg.wordpress.com/2014/06/02/to-change-your-life-forever/

And “Dr. Bug” appeared in my earlier post: https://paulwhitberg.wordpress.com/2014/06/07/dr-bug-and-the-skunk-man-read-steinbeck-while-stopping-at-a-mole-hole-on-the-way-to-church/

“A Trip to the Vet”

When deeply concerned for my pet,
I decided to go to the vet.
He examined her head,
Said “She’s clearly not dead,”
Then collected the fee he had set.

A limerick by Paul Burgess

To Change your Life Forever…

Read the 5 daily limericks from Paul O’Burgess’s *5 Limericks A Day (to Keep the Dr. Away)[Day 15]…shameless, I know:)
“Jack and Jill and the Magic Pill”
A doctor invented a pill
That can turn any Jack to a Jill
But turns not a Pam
Into Harry or Sam
For reasons unclear to me still.

“Voodoo Exegesis”
To render more useful a text,
The preacher its meaning quite vexed.
With mirrors and smoke,
The meaning he’d choke
‘til with magical words it was hexed.

“Diet of Worms”
On discov’ring a worm in his bread,
A man wanted to bite off its head.
It’s entirely unclear
If the head or the rear
Was the part on which that man then fed.

“A Kind Old Zealot”
There was once a man who would heed
The words of a book he did read—
Which told him to kill
The folks on the hill
To ensure they would nevermore breed.

“Piggy Wiggy”
There’s a man who ensures that he saves
The hair from his face when he shaves–
And weaves with it wigs
That he gives to the pigs
Who provide the amusement he craves.

 

“Old King Cole”–a 4th Clerihew-inspired Quatrain by Paul Burgess

“Old King Cole”

King Cole, monarch of merry soul,
Consumed a duck and chicken whole.
When Cole had him a heart attack,
He found his doctor was a quack.