I.4
A song might take you to the House’s* stair.
Although you sound just like an ill raccoon,
You have no reason, darlings, to despair
Or practice scales and “Fly Me to the Moon.”
Undress your body ‘til it’s nearly bare,
Then dress your naked voice in auto-tune.
You’ll rise on ev’ry major music chart
By learning how to dress and play the part.
*The House of Fame
1.5
You’ll never have to write or learn a song–
Just know its lyrics and your dance routine.
Although your singing’s not exactly strong,
Producers’ magic can deceive a teen.
Who cares about a note delivered wrong
When bathing in a tub that’s full of green?
What better proves a product truly great
Than being sold at such a rapid rate?
1.6
With instruments you’ll need facility
…enough to pick one up and seem to play.
The peak of musical ability
Is holding instruments the proper way.
With youthful swagger plus agility,
You’ll soon devour a crowd of willing prey.
Just learn to walk the walk and dance the dance–
I guarantee you’ll wear the Diva Pants.
selected stanzas from The New House of Fame–By Paul “Whitberg” Burgess
Miscellaneous Inanities 