“Celebrating Criminals”

“Another Path to the House of Fame” [from The New House of Fame–by Paul “Whitberg” Burgess]

A risky *path that’s hard to recommend
Is being known as one who coldly kills.
Infamy’s said to be a loyal friend
To stardom-seekers lacking wealth and skills.
Since murderers are found at ev’ry bend,
You’ll need a crime where blood profusely spills.
The surest way to drive reporters wild
Is murdering a precious little child.

*While scandalous trials make one famous, the book deals and interviews benefit only those who are exonerated.

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“Homicide Unit”

I have no idea what this is supposed to be, but–since I wrote it–I have decided to post it;) [An oddity in “English” terza rima–by Paul Burgess]

“He passed away before the crimes occurred.”
“To be deceased is not an alibi.”
“You know, your theory is beyond absurd.”

“You think a man above created life.
Why can’t it be destroyed by one below?
What else explains the prints, the bloody knife…”

“Enough! When has a corpse been known to kill?
Allow the dead to rest in peace.
To murder’s never been a corpse’s skill.”

“Killer”

Malignant grins exposing pointed teeth
Provide a glimpse of what’s concealed beneath
The frail façade of human voice and skin
That masks the killer’s lack of human kin.

by Paul Burgess

“Back in Granny’s Day” by Paul Burgess

When little Louie would complain,
It drove his granny quite insane.
She’d tell him, “Back in Granny’s day,
Jack the Ripper took her heart away.”

A “Poe–etic” Version of “The Tell-Tale Heart” [by Paul Burgess]

“ Poe’s ‘Tell-Tale Heart’ Summarized [for no good reason] in a Quatrain of Iambic Tetrameter”
Why did my neighbor have to die?
I could not stand his cloudy eye.
Why would I tear this floor apart?
Below, I hear his beating heart.

5 Limericks a Day (To Keep the Dr. Away)–By Paul O’Burgess [Day 7]

At Home in Nature

There was once a person so broke
That he had to reside in an oak.
He wanted some girls
But settled for squirrels
Who’d not mind a man being so broke.

French Style

There was once an old woman from France
Who delighted in wearing no pants.
I have never yet guessed
Why she covered the rest…
…that eccentric old woman from France.

A Pious Young Boy

I knew once a boy so bizarre
That his body he’d feather and tar.
Himself he did scorn
For having been born
Once discovered he what sinners we are.

A Loan Never Repaid

A man asked me to lend him an ear.
I said, “Yes,” and then bought him a beer.
But he’d give it not back,
So an ear I now lack,
And I find it much harder to hear.

An Inspiring Political Speech

A man to be gov’ner aspired
Who delivered these words that inspired:
“If for me you don’t vote,
I’ll cut your mom’s throat.”
So, I gave him the vote he desired.

Immortal Wisdom in Deathless Verse by Dr. Burgess [Epigrams] #1

“An Ineffective M.O.”

To kill with kindness murderers once tried
But found intended victims rarely died.