Tag Archives: nature

Robins and Goldfinches

Two haikus inspired by some of my favorite garden guests:

Description American Robin 2006.jpg

“Robin”

Freshly fallen rain

in black plastic flower pots–

the robins’ birdbath.

 

“Goldfinch”

Goldfinches on trees

Yellow flowers that adorn

early afternoon.

 

 

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“Dr. Bug and the Skunk Man Read Steinbeck While Stopping at a Mole Hole on the Way to Church”

“[They call me] Dr. Bug”
A chemist invented some drugs
For transforming his foes into bugs.
Some exist now as bees,
While others, as fleas,
Are residing on dogs and in rugs.

“Skunk Man”
Once, after becoming quite drunk,
A man returned home with a skunk.
His wife said it could stay
But she sent him away
Because of the way that he stunk.

“Moose Man” or “Of Moose and Men”
There’s a man who resides in a spruce
Who surely has a screw or two loose.
He smashes his toes,
Puts pins in his nose,
And often pretends he’s a moose.

“The Mole Hole”
A young lady has got her a mole
that spends all its life near a hole.
I’ve seen it before,
Around her backdoor,
When I helped with installing a pole.

“A Sheepish Boy, or a Pastor and his Flock”
An old shepherd attempted to keep
A boy who resembled a sheep.
The boy was so sad
‘til seeing his dad
Who’d come to correct that old creep.

5 limericks by Paul Burgess [an animal-themed edition of “5 Limericks a Day”]

“Thomas Hobbes”

When influential monarchist Thomas Hobbes
Suggests that men in nature are like brutes,
The modern readers say, between their sobs,
“I guess some haven’t left behind their roots.”

“Praying Mantis Mating” by Paul Burgess

“Praying Mantis Mating”*
A praying mantis says, “The sex was great!”
The womantis nods before she grabs her plate.

*The female praying mantis often eats her mate after they have finished engaging in reproductive acts.

“Ermine Elle”

“Ermine Elle” [a “brats” poem by Paul Burgess]

While wearing Mother’s ermine coat,
Elle looked exactly like a stoat.
Believing she was surely one,
A hunter went to get his gun.

3 Nature Poems by Paul Burgess

Below you will see what happens when a hack writes doggerel about everything he sees…

“The Death of a Bee”
While slowly closed the automatic door,
A bee remained between it and the floor.
No warning sign inside his head had flashed.
Without alarm, he stayed and soon was smashed.

“The Death of a Spider Mite”
With light and careful touch, I gently steered
A spider mite—who in my book appeared—
Towards the door and thought he’d safely fled…
…Until I saw the page all streaked with red.

“Retail Store Rafter Ecosystem”
Wal-Mart’s the store that sparrows like the best…
Between its rafters, many build a nest.

5 Limericks a Day (To Keep the Dr. Away)–By Paul O’Burgess [Day 7]

At Home in Nature

There was once a person so broke
That he had to reside in an oak.
He wanted some girls
But settled for squirrels
Who’d not mind a man being so broke.

French Style

There was once an old woman from France
Who delighted in wearing no pants.
I have never yet guessed
Why she covered the rest…
…that eccentric old woman from France.

A Pious Young Boy

I knew once a boy so bizarre
That his body he’d feather and tar.
Himself he did scorn
For having been born
Once discovered he what sinners we are.

A Loan Never Repaid

A man asked me to lend him an ear.
I said, “Yes,” and then bought him a beer.
But he’d give it not back,
So an ear I now lack,
And I find it much harder to hear.

An Inspiring Political Speech

A man to be gov’ner aspired
Who delivered these words that inspired:
“If for me you don’t vote,
I’ll cut your mom’s throat.”
So, I gave him the vote he desired.

5 Limericks a Day (To Keep the Dr. Away)–By Paul O’Burgess [Day 6]

I have decided that today’s limericks will be for people with children. Every once in a while, I will unify the five daily limericks with a theme. Some days the limericks will be best for the bar or bedroom, and other days they will be best for the nursery. Today’s are fine for the nursery;)

“The Cat as a Hat”

There was once a man with a cat
That he’d put on his head like a hat.
The kitten did hate
Being worn on his pate
And thought it was time for a chat.

“Of Birds and Boys”

A boy, who would cease not to squirm,
Resembled so closely a worm
That a robin one day
Mistook for its prey
That boy who would cease not to squirm.

“Of Birds and Men”

There was an old man I once knew
Who flapped both his arms ‘til he flew.
The last that I heard,
He had married a bird
And purchased a nest built for two.

“Swamp King”

A king who was weary of pomp
Decided to move to a swamp.
There lived he as boss
Of mosquitoes and moss
While enjoying the absence of pomp.

“Who’s Yo’ Daddy?”

There was once a boy from Baghdad
Who thought that a hare was his dad.
He’d say, “Hey there, Pop!”
But away it would hop,
And the boy would remain there so sad.