5 Limericks a Day [to Keep the Dr. Away] By Paul O’Burgess (Day 14)

Even my harsh inner critic agrees that today’s first limerick, “Heartbreaker,” is worthy of the Nonsense Hall of Fame;) I think that this is the strongest group of limericks I’ve posted since the first few days of this series. Please let me know what you think.

“Heartbreaker”
A man who had broken some hearts
Decided to sell them at marts.
“Though unable to beat,
There’s no tastier meat,”
He’d say when promoting those parts.

“Stew from Peru”
There was once a chef from Peru
Who was widely renowned for his stew—
Which he bought from a store
Then proceeded to pour
And simmer inside of a shoe.

“A Couple Climbed a Cliff, then…”
At the edge, he said, “Jump now and die!”
But the girl still refused to comply.
To make her obey,
He yodeled all day,
And she was thus persuaded to fly.

“Your Ugly Friends”
“What’s the reason I did not invite
Your friends to our dinner tonight?
To not have to pretend
That it does not offend
Me to suffer so sorry a sight.”

“A Paranormal An Abnormal Medium”
There was once a lady in red
Who believed she could talk to the dead.
She served as the host
To many a ghost
That existed in only her head.

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5 Limericks a Day (to Keep the Dr. Away)–by Paul O’Burgess (Day 9)

“Possession”

There was once a lad from Hawaii
Who believed in a man in the sky.
“He’s likely possessed
By Satan,” they guessed,
And afraid they became of that guy.

“Groundbreaking Anthropology”

The men from a faraway land
By custom will shake no one’s hand.
When people they greet,
They offer their feet
To be shaken instead of a hand.

“A Peruvian Visits the Cobbler’s Shop”

There was an old man from Peru
Who so deeply desired a screw.
So, he went to the store
And purchased the score
That he’d needed to mend his worn shoe.

“Pity the Aging Pimp”

I know well a graying old pimp
Who’s beginning to walk with a limp.
He’s becoming too lame
To keep at the game.
How I pity that graying old pimp!

“An Odd Drought”

There was once an old person from Spain
Who insisted on drinking the rain.
He deprived all the crops
By imbibing the drops
That inane old person from Spain.

5 Limericks a Day (To Keep the Dr. Away)–By Paul O’Burgess [Day 5]

“A Cruel Rejection”
I met a young girl at a dance
Who asked, “Can I get in your pants?”
But I knew they’d not fit
And she’d cause them to split,
So I said, “Oh, my dear, not a chance!”

“Unconventional Swimming Facilities”
I met once a kooky old fool
Who believed his toilet a pool.
If you ever meet him,
And he asks you to swim,
I’d advise you escape that old fool.

“Miguel the Masochist”
A man who’s residing in Spain,
Is becoming addicted to pain.
He has chains and some whips,
And he likes for his hips
To be thoroughly thrashed with a cane.

“An Innocent Limerick about Birdwatching [I had no part in naming birds!]”
In the place where he presently sits,
A boy sees him plenty of tits.
Near his seat on those rocks,
Are both boobies and cocks
And more birds that approach where he sits.

“A Prolific Man”
There once was an old man from Peru
Who had many more kids than he knew.
Some say he had four
But ‘twas likely a score…
…that prolific old man from Peru!