Tag Archives: pimps

A Pimp in the Garden*

2 tasteless limericks and a tasteless quatrain about pimps
[By Pimpin’ Paul Burgess…at the lowest point of his artistic career;)]

A Pimp in the Garden [parts I and II]
“Part I”
I have heard that a pimp is a man
who will water the plants when he can.
He is fond of the ‘hose’,
and it’s said by his bros
that of gardens he’s quite a big fan.

“Part II” [aka the ruh-ruh-remix]
Said a pimp, “Why would anyone think
that a person wants ‘hose’ that won’t kink?
Now, exchange these, my bros,
for some kinkier ‘hose'”
[He]then departed from Gardening Inc.

“A Pimp and a Bee—A Fable on the Value of Obsessive Consumerism”
A pimp once came across a bee
Prepared to start a stinging spree.
The pimp, alas, it could not sting—
For blinding was his shiny bling.

*The politically correct version would not work with the meter:

*”A vendor of adult pleasure is a human being
who will water the plants when he or she can.
He or she is fond of the water-spraying device (“hose”, which is homophonous with a derogatory term that vendors of adult pleasure and artists of spoken ‘music’ enjoy using in reference to women)
etc…

[Blame my wife for the terrible “Pimp” limericks…I was watering her plants when the terrible pun on “hoes”/”hose” begged me to write a limerick in which it was featured…]

5 Limericks a Day (to Keep the Dr. Away)–by Paul O’Burgess (Day 9)

“Possession”

There was once a lad from Hawaii
Who believed in a man in the sky.
“He’s likely possessed
By Satan,” they guessed,
And afraid they became of that guy.

“Groundbreaking Anthropology”

The men from a faraway land
By custom will shake no one’s hand.
When people they greet,
They offer their feet
To be shaken instead of a hand.

“A Peruvian Visits the Cobbler’s Shop”

There was an old man from Peru
Who so deeply desired a screw.
So, he went to the store
And purchased the score
That he’d needed to mend his worn shoe.

“Pity the Aging Pimp”

I know well a graying old pimp
Who’s beginning to walk with a limp.
He’s becoming too lame
To keep at the game.
How I pity that graying old pimp!

“An Odd Drought”

There was once an old person from Spain
Who insisted on drinking the rain.
He deprived all the crops
By imbibing the drops
That inane old person from Spain.