“Undiluted Nonsense”

“G.O.A.T.”
The people from a nation of note
Elected to office a goat.
“He’s not nearly as bad
As the humans we’ve had,”
Said those who for that creature did vote.

“Holy Abstinence”
A devout man decided for Lent
That he would not be paying his rent.
While the priest did approve,
The landlord said, “Move!”
And away that good man was then sent.

“Nuns Gone Wild”
Said a monk to a sisterly nun,
“I suggest some immoderate fun.”
So they counted their beads
And then planted some seeds
While enjoying the light of the sun.

“Mother Fu…Lover”
A person was trav’ling in time
When he drank some tequila with lime.
Then he slept with his Ma
And became his own Pa
Which is odd but not considered a crime.

“Buzz”
When a man was inhaling a breeze,
In his nostrils entered some bees.
Though the bees didn’t sting,
And he felt not a thing,
He now buzzes with every sneeze.

5 limericks by Paul Burgess; “Buzz,” “Mother Fu…Lover,” and “Nuns Gone Wild Are New.” I previously posted “G.O.A.T” and “Holy Abstinence” on days 1 and 2 of my “5 Limericks a Day” series: https://paulwhitberg.wordpress.com/2014/05/16/5-limericks-a-day-to-keep-the-dr-awayday-2/

https://paulwhitberg.wordpress.com/2014/05/15/5-limericks-a-day-to-keep-the-dr-away-day-1-2/

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“Exiled from the Planet of Apes” [a Sonnet from Mars]

By Paul Burgess (in response to the prompt: “Longing for Gravity”):http://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_prompt/longing-for-gravity/

I now regret insulting you, dear ape,
With adjectives including “dirty,” “damn,”
And others lips won’t allow to escape.
If only words expressed how changed I am,
How diff’rent from the man you sent to space—
That man was arrogant and full of hate;
This one desires a primate’s warm embrace
But finds his change has happened far too late.

While mourning Earth from lonely, distant Mars,
I think of all the fun we could have shared—
Enjoying jokes and drinks at monkey bars
And seeing who would do what others dared.
I hope you’ll find you can one day forgive
And peacefully on Earth we all will live.