5 Limericks a Day (to Keep the Dr. Away)–by Paul O’Burgess (Day 9)

“Possession”

There was once a lad from Hawaii
Who believed in a man in the sky.
“He’s likely possessed
By Satan,” they guessed,
And afraid they became of that guy.

“Groundbreaking Anthropology”

The men from a faraway land
By custom will shake no one’s hand.
When people they greet,
They offer their feet
To be shaken instead of a hand.

“A Peruvian Visits the Cobbler’s Shop”

There was an old man from Peru
Who so deeply desired a screw.
So, he went to the store
And purchased the score
That he’d needed to mend his worn shoe.

“Pity the Aging Pimp”

I know well a graying old pimp
Who’s beginning to walk with a limp.
He’s becoming too lame
To keep at the game.
How I pity that graying old pimp!

“An Odd Drought”

There was once an old person from Spain
Who insisted on drinking the rain.
He deprived all the crops
By imbibing the drops
That inane old person from Spain.

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5 Limericks a Day (To Keep the Dr. Away)–By Paul O’Burgess [Day 5]

“A Cruel Rejection”
I met a young girl at a dance
Who asked, “Can I get in your pants?”
But I knew they’d not fit
And she’d cause them to split,
So I said, “Oh, my dear, not a chance!”

“Unconventional Swimming Facilities”
I met once a kooky old fool
Who believed his toilet a pool.
If you ever meet him,
And he asks you to swim,
I’d advise you escape that old fool.

“Miguel the Masochist”
A man who’s residing in Spain,
Is becoming addicted to pain.
He has chains and some whips,
And he likes for his hips
To be thoroughly thrashed with a cane.

“An Innocent Limerick about Birdwatching [I had no part in naming birds!]”
In the place where he presently sits,
A boy sees him plenty of tits.
Near his seat on those rocks,
Are both boobies and cocks
And more birds that approach where he sits.

“A Prolific Man”
There once was an old man from Peru
Who had many more kids than he knew.
Some say he had four
But ‘twas likely a score…
…that prolific old man from Peru!

Devil’s Derivations (or Etymologies from Hell) [Day 2]

“Foreign”
Two words still in use combined to form this originally xenophobic term. Like the Ancient Greeks, who considered all non-Greeks “barbarians,” the Early Modern Brits thought of all outsiders as enemies and referred to other kingdoms as places where the “foe reigns”. [Pronunciation of the first syllable has changed gradually from “foe” to “for”].

The earliest recorded use of the term appears in Gilliam Tremblestaff’s tragedy Spamlet:
“As long as Philip wears the crown in Spain,
That land I’ll loathe and always call ‘foe-reign'”.