Soul-Destroying Sounds of Archaic Lamps

3 Minutes, 3 Parodies
I hope this post won’t come off as mean-spirited. My targets are not all free verse poets but rather those free verse poets who– without knowing much about formal meter or literary history and conventions– write off all formal verse as old fashioned. These parodies are supposed to be fun… feel free to laugh at them or to ignore them, but please do not become upset;)
I.

Papercut-thin

slicing my soul

each time she looks me in the eyes

and punctures my mouth with

swords of whore rebel dragon

tongue.

II.

Those wide-eyed youths

thinking they’ve earned life experience

with their passing knowledge of Hume, Nietzsche

other heretics I’ll see burning

from the burnished, embroidered

seat inscribed “Righteous prevaileth over skeptics”–

reading they missed when buried

in thin tree remnants

dried cold bits of bark

lacking life

lacking truth

worm-eaten.

I’ll sit

next

to

my

Maker

the Earth’s Maker.

III.

I-Pod Touch Mini

Aural highway exorcising

impious silence

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Profound Insights from Dr. Burgess’s Treasury of Wisdom [Installment 1]

An excerpt from Dr. Burgess’s upcoming book on developmental psychology

…Normal humans pass through several cycles before reaching maturity. They begin as helpless, pathetic creatures incapable of doing much more than crying and producing foul substances. After a few months, they reach the stage at which they become suicidal. During this stage, unsupervised young humans will attempt to stick their fingers in electrical sockets, crawl into the middle of busy intersections, and swallow inedible objects. The parents of these young humans function essentially as “suicide watches.” Once capable of walking and talking, the young humans—now called “toddlers”—focus their destructive energies not on themselves but rather on the possessions and sanity of their parents…