Tag Archives: food

Crazy and Disgusting

Crazy:
There’s a man who resides in a flat
Who’s convinced he’s becoming a rat.
On his hands and his knees,
He will search for some cheese
‘til he’s met by the gaze of a cat.

…and Disgusting:

There’s a chef from the city of Cork
Who was renowned for his dishes of pork
…‘til the day it was found
He’d been serving up hound
For his diners to eat with a fork.

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“FORTUNE COOKIES”

An Italian Sonnet about Chinese* Restaurants (Written in English by an American) [*Chinese restaurants in America…Chinese immigrants often choke on the fortune the first time they eat a fortune cookie.]

What did the slips inside my cookies say?
“The dish of life contains a lot more spice
For people eating dumplings, pork, and rice
At San Francisco’s China House Buffet.”

“Ours is the only place to spend your pay.
At Chang’s the chicken’s mixed with chunks of mice,
And waiters’ heads are breeding grounds for lice
[Which like to mingle with the beef fillet.]”

“You’ll live to see another creature’s year
If eating only China House’s food.
“A person who believes that life is dear
Won’t let these words be lost or misconstrued:
Those eating Chinese food that’s not from here
Are nailed inside their coffins and/or screwed.”

 

“Decadent” and “Downfall”

“Verbal Ticks” Prompt: http://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_prompt/verbal-ticks/

“Decadent”
While I grant that common usage can change words’ meanings, I object to using a word that means “in a state of decay” to signify richness of flavor. It seems that people at some point associated rich food with the extravagant, wasteful spending that ruined some empires. Perhaps people read about the decadence of the Roman Empire, for example, and associated “luxurious food” with the luxuries owned by the wealthy.

Examples of misuse: 1.This chocolate is rich and decadent.
2.
Oh, how I enjoy decadent sweets!

Downfall”
Many people seem to think that “downfall”—a term best reserved for the literal or figurative destruction of powerful nations and people—has replaced all the words meaning “trivial flaw,” “slight misfortune,” and “minor weakness”.
Examples of misuse:1.He is a nice person, but he is sometimes late . Tardiness is his only downfall.
2. Although he is lactose intolerant, he could not resist drinking milk. One day he drank some and had an upset stomach. His love of dairy products was his downfall.

[Ambition led to the downfall of Julius Caesar. To be assassinated at the peak of one’s powers is to experience a downfall. The milk-drinking protagonist of “Example 2”, on the other hand, will most likely enjoy a long, healthy life after recovering from his minor bout of gastrointestinal discomfort]

 

“Of Mice and a Man”

On  a lighter, less didactic note…

A man with a terrible vice

is addicted to dining on mice.

He begins with the kill,

then he lights up the grill

and enjoys them on top of some rice.

a limerick by Paul Burgess

[Please forgive me if you happen to be part of a culture in which dining on mice is considered normal. Try to understand that I am not singling out your culture. If munching on mice is not a vice in your culture, please, my friend, munch on. ]

P.S. I doubt that munching on mice is a vice in most cultures. The “bad” part would be claiming to serve one meat–such as beef or pork–while actually serving mice.

To Change your Life Forever…

Read the 5 daily limericks from Paul O’Burgess’s *5 Limericks A Day (to Keep the Dr. Away)[Day 15]…shameless, I know:)
“Jack and Jill and the Magic Pill”
A doctor invented a pill
That can turn any Jack to a Jill
But turns not a Pam
Into Harry or Sam
For reasons unclear to me still.

“Voodoo Exegesis”
To render more useful a text,
The preacher its meaning quite vexed.
With mirrors and smoke,
The meaning he’d choke
‘til with magical words it was hexed.

“Diet of Worms”
On discov’ring a worm in his bread,
A man wanted to bite off its head.
It’s entirely unclear
If the head or the rear
Was the part on which that man then fed.

“A Kind Old Zealot”
There was once a man who would heed
The words of a book he did read—
Which told him to kill
The folks on the hill
To ensure they would nevermore breed.

“Piggy Wiggy”
There’s a man who ensures that he saves
The hair from his face when he shaves–
And weaves with it wigs
That he gives to the pigs
Who provide the amusement he craves.

 

“Praying Mantis Mating” by Paul Burgess

“Praying Mantis Mating”*
A praying mantis says, “The sex was great!”
The womantis nods before she grabs her plate.

*The female praying mantis often eats her mate after they have finished engaging in reproductive acts.

“Old King Cole”–a 4th Clerihew-inspired Quatrain by Paul Burgess

“Old King Cole”

King Cole, monarch of merry soul,
Consumed a duck and chicken whole.
When Cole had him a heart attack,
He found his doctor was a quack.